Ok. Harry. What the fuck is he doin' here? I thought to myself. Of course I wanted to cuss out di dutty nastiness, tell him seh dis amusement park lock dung, him need fi go chuck off head first inna him babymadda husband and continue fi do whe him always do, ignore mi and act like a don't exist. Of course I did no such thing. I was too shocked to actually speak. It's been two and a half weeks since I saw him, since he last called me and told me that he would call me back and let me know how things stood with his babymother who was know back in town, at his house, and more than likely back in his life (and bed).
I opened the door and said "Please come in". Decorum is always needed in certain situations, plus the fact that I was in an office environment and couldn't rass him up properly anyway. Ah seeing him brought back memories. Harry, Harry who had a Dick that could tame the most experienced and wild of women, Harry who lavished me with gifts, attention, luxury. Harry who had broad arms and thick chest and a tall, muscular frame. He may not be Mr. Handsome, hell he was far from it, especially with a nose like his (did i not mention his nose could shelter his face the way it big?). But I was really attached to him, hell, all it took was two weeks to fall deep for him. I know I was crazy, but it wasn't cocky crazy, I really liked him. And I'm sure he was here to either give me some form of apology, or at least to explain why he was suck an asshole.
He looked me up and down appreciatively, smiled and asked how I was doing. I answered fine. Then I sat down and asked him to explain. "Explain what?" he responded, I just shut my mouth tight, prayed to god I wouldn't tell him bout him claat or take the staple machine and rass him head back, and just folded my arms, leaned back against my chair. and just looked at him. Then the long explanations began. He was sorry, he knew he treated me badly, but he was sooo busy and there were times he wanted to call but didn't know what to say. His Babymother was still here and there were know arguments every day because he wanted to know if they should end it or continue, he was for ending, she wanted to continue, blah blah blah. I just watched him explain his life away. When he was finished I just looked at him and said "Why?" "Why what?" he asked, "Why do this to me? Was I just good pussy to you? Or you were just being a big asshole? It's been almost three weeks, and you just up and walk back in my life and expect everything to be ok? I should just welcome you back with open arms? What do you really expect me to do?" I calmly asked him, even though I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier by the minute. It took all my reserve not to really tell him what I felt.
His face turned serious, as though he were thinking seriously on what I just said. He paused for about a minute, then replied by saying that he didn't know. He didn't know what to expect, he knew he was wrong, he was sorry, but he didn't know how to approach me, he was fearful that I would have acted worse than how I was acting now, and that he really didn't mean to hurt me. He missed me, he said, and wanted a second chance. He wanted to make it up to me, he needed me in his life, because he really checked for me, and if I would allow him to come to my house later and we talk. Ever part of me was shouting no. Deep down inside of me something whispered 'Don't take him back, tell him to go. Move one'. I didn't know if I could trust him not to hurt me again, not to use me again. I just wasn't sure anymore, and now I was actually afraid. I could'nt look in his eyes anymore. I turned my head towards the forgotten paperwork I was doing and heard myself mumur, "Yeaaaa, we can talk later." Stupid! I mentally slapeed myself. Why did I do that? Why do I keep falling for some ididot's poor sob story? He smiled at me, hugged me, kissed me on the head (and I actually let him...reallllll eediat! I thought) and told me he had to go meet some men to pay some money to, and that he would see me later. As he left I thought to myself, second chance. I believe in second chances, everybody deserves a second chance, if it was me I would have wanted a second chance. Besides, what could it hurt to hear what he had to say? I had trouble for the rest of the day concentrating on work. I did'nt even call Belle or Saph to ask for their advice or inform them of my stupid intentions. If I was walking in a trap, I didn't want them to know, or to scold me on it for the rest of my life. I would do this alone.
Later on, about 8p.m. he came by, we talked, he apologised some more, gave me a rundown of what he did for the almost three weeks that I didn't see him. Told me he thought about me every day, but that he was so caught up with his business and daughter and other business ventures he was doing and work that he didn't have time to see me until now. And yes he should have called but he was afraid I would hang up the phone or not even answer him (And he was right, I would have hung up on him if he had called), and more stories etc etc. He asked me how I was, asked me for a rundown of what went on with me, and so forth and so on. The silly rabbit that I was felt myself slowly falling back into that stupor that I had with him. I clung onto every word he said, desperately hoping that he meant them, while inside I prayed he wasn't lying to me and that I wasn't setting myself up for a fall. We made plans to go out the next night, he said he just wanted to take me somewhere to just relax and enjoy ourselves. I looked forward to it anxiously.
The next night we went out to Jolly's, ate some fish, talked, had a good time. He kept on reassuring me that he would never hurt me. And that he was afraid he would get hurt himself. Told me about the fights, arguments, and eventual living of separate lives with his Babymother. She took care of their kids, he went about his business. He hardly saw her, only in the morning when he woke and was leaving, he normally went home late at night when she and their daughter was asleep. And they still hadn't talked yet. He did not know when she was leaving, because everytime he wanted to talk, she would accuse him of selling out, and only wanted to get rid of her to live his luxurious life. By the end of the dinner I was horny, and he was tired. Seeing that it was late in the night and there was no way we could go to his house, where his daughter and know his babymother was staying, and I was not gonna carry him at my house (for personal reasons, I only carry men I am actually in serious relationships with at my house. And by serious I mean any relationship over a year), we decided to go to that popular hotel on backroad which was quite pricy, at least pricier than the others. The sex was great, hot, nothing never changed. He still didn't go down on me, and I definitely didn't go down on him. I stuck by my rule, I only give head to get. He wasn't giving, so I wasn't giving.
When he dropped me home later tha night he promised to call me tomorrow, which he did. We kept up communications for a few days, and I did my usual routine of work, meeting up with the girls and so on. Then about six days after we went out, I called him but couldn't get him. Not thinking anything of it only that he was busy, and I would call him back later, I went about my business.
The next day I called him, still couldn't get him. I left a message on his voice mail and left it at that. Later on in the day I called him, still couldn't get him. I sent a text message, then waited for him to call me.
Day three, four, five, seven, still no call from him. Not even a text message, nothing. I silently began to just lose interest in work, my friends, everything. By the time two weeks passed and still I had not heard anything, Belle, who had not heard from me in a while, stopped by my house and alarmingly realised that I was sitting in a chair, staring at the wall. She was concerned. I had lost weight, had not called, and looked pale. The truth was I was depressed. I didn't cry over him this time. I didn't need to. Deep down inside that little voice that had been warning me not to take him back had told me that this would happen again, but I didn't listen. And all I could do now was go through the emotions of working, going home, sleeping, doing household activites, and try not to accept the fact that I was depressed. For now I had sunk deep into regret and the depths of despair. I told Belle everything, all about Harry and how I had taken him back and everything I had been through with him. And for once, my pessimistic, feminist, man-hating, sympathetic friend said nothing except took my hand, called Saph asking her to come over, and hug me. It was all I needed. Someone who understood and knew what I was going through. Someone who had been used and hurt by men. Someone who would be there for me no matter what......
*Article written by TT*
